I opened the door and felt unimpressed. The walls of the small room were painted in a soft eggshell tone left unaided by a medium brown colored trim. Four pictures hung in a straight line on only one wall. The pictures were all similar in their detail of open spaces and unimpressive landscaping. The pictures were not exactly the kind of art I would pick to lift a person’s mood. Maybe their purpose was more to not agitate a person’s state of mind?
The waiting area was small and rectangular in shape. The wall opposite of the door provided the light switches assigned to each doctor for patients to use to announce their arrival. A total of ten chairs were in the waiting room with five perfectly spaced on each side of the room. I suppose the fine doctors had their reasons for deciding only patients sitting on the right side of the room should have pictures to stare at when looking at the wall across from them. Patients choosing to sit in the left side of the room were simply left with a blank wall and no distraction to its lack of color.
I really do not know why I am here. I am not clinically depressed or insane. The darkness in my life is man-made and lacks a psychosis treatable by a doctor. I feel the darkness in my life and I can see it. How do I get to the light I am searching for? What should I use as a compass? Are the answers I am seeking wrapped up in a white coat making $400 an hour? I highly doubt it. Here I am though. Following court orders.
What is my problem? Simple! People over-react. That is the problem with this world we live in, and the catalyst of my problems now. People over-react to their ideas of power, morals, God and who really has the “right” answers. Wars are fought, children beaten, and schools influenced by over-reaction. Liberal agendas are to blame for our world today, and conservative agendas will hold the blame tomorrow. Life is one vicious cycle and people refuse to stop it. If you try to stop the cycle, the insanity, you end up in a psychiatrist’s office who only holds a high-priced degree in quack science!
I am not an idiot. I am not the product of the insanity that life continues to cycle through. I am different and Dr. Jefferies is about to learn a lot about the world from me! Maybe we will need to switch places at the end of this thing? I will gladly make $400 an hour rendering my opinion to others about their problems and life!
Finally I hear footsteps by the door next to the light switches, and as the door opens a middle-aged, tall and slender woman appears.
“This way please.”
Anna Hanson was not what Susan was expecting at all. Her bad girl profile hardly fit her physical profile. Her hair was blonde, but of a natural tone, and her makeup reasonable for her fair skin. Her eyes, however; managed to highlight the hatred described in her file. Anna’s posture offered a condescending tone that clearly stated she did not believe she needed to be here. The file from the police department and her silent attitude made me believe she would be an interesting patient. She is 29 years old but appears to have the attitude and personality of a 13 year old. Here goes nothing.
“Ms. Hanson, I know you are not here by choice or identified personal need. The courts have requirements for me to help you complete, and I hope you will work with me so that this can as be easy as possible for both of us.”
“Dr. Jefferies, how long have you been a doctor?”
“I have been in practice for 18 years, and I have seen and heard most everything in those years.” I offered with all the confidence I felt.
“How nice. I have practiced life for 29 years, and I learn and see something new every day. It is because there is always more to see and learn that I ended up here, in your office. I guarantee you have a lot more to see and hear, and I look forward to teaching you something new.” Anna offered with a confidence in her voice that matched mine.
“Anna, your goal should only be to work with me, and therapy will be shorter, and the experience healthy for both of us as a result.”
“I have no plans of making this difficult. I have no interest in being here, but I know there are requirements for me, us, to fill. That being said I am not sure how to make this form of “science” easy.” Her fingers providing the sarcastic emphasis she felt was needed with her response.
Smiling I knew it was time to move forward. “Where did you grow up, Anna?”
“I grew up in Englewood Colorado with a mom and dad who love me to this very day. I am an only child, but only because my older brother died when I was seven. I am only here, sitting with you, because I made the mistake of not being as dumb and ignorant as so many people out there.”
Anna’s anger spiked quickly in her voice as she finished her statement.
“Wonderful. You were right. This will be a new experience for me. Normally I only get to counsel the dumb and ignorant.”
After a moment of silence it was time to move forward.
“Anna. I have read your police file, but I would like you to act as though I have not. I would like you to start from the beginning as though I know nothing about you or your story. I will simply listen until you are done talking.”
“Okay, where would you like me to begin?” Anna offered with a little more patience to her voice.
“Wherever you would like. How about with your parents and we can move on from there.”
With an inhaled breath Anna began to tell her story….
My parents were always supportive of me, and I have few complaints about them. If I could “fix” anything about my parents it would their ignorance about God and the bible. Their influences are too human-related to truly rely on God as much as they claim. My parents have always gone to prayer groups as well as church. They make sure to tell me their group prays for me every Thursday. Despite my parent’s weekly effort God has failed to fix me in a way they have requested.
I don’t believe in marriage or relationships outside of family. I believe all relationships are temporary, and I treat my relationships carefully as to not get too attached. Getting too attached to people causes over-reaction, and I work hard to not be a part of that cycle. My parents have been married for 35 years and I believe commitment to marriage died in their generation. My generation seems to fail more than succeed in marriage, and I have consciously chosen to avoid that failure in my life. I have enjoyed relationships with a few different men, but they have all messed the relationship up my asking a question I will never say yes to.
I have enjoyed a pretty good and peaceful life, but social media sent my life into a chaotic cycle that won’t end. My life wasn’t ruined by a bad relationship, sex tape, or dating website like has plagued so many other people’s lives. I like to be different so I found a new way to ruin my life with social media, but I really wasn’t trying to be different here. I ruined my life by simply posting a comment, to a comment, on an article posted on Facebook and it ruined my peaceful life. My parent’s began praying for me a week after my posting, but the chaos continues anyway. I thought a person publicly speaking their opinion could only ruin the lives of famous people like the Dixie Chicks, and I was wrong.
My world began to unravel on November 15, 2015. Two days prior the world was shaken by an attack in Paris by an extremist group called ISIS. Stories about the attack continued for days and I read many of them on Facebook. I have found that comments after the article are just as informative and entertaining as the articles themselves. The comments highlight the stupidity of our culture often, but sometimes they offer educated thoughts of the readers. One comment to an article I was reading about Paris offered the opinion that this was just another act of biblical warnings happening, and then he said Ezekiel scriptures 38-39 were unfolding. Naturally I rolled my eyes at the biblical reference, but then curiosity set in and I decided to see what he was talking about. Using Google I found the Ezekiel scriptures he referenced, and I had to admit I could understand the reader’s correlation.
Ezekiel is a book in the old testament. Chapter 38 talks about the battle of Gog and its significance to ushering the Second Coming of Christ. Chapter 39 discusses the result of the battle, the continued significance of the number seven, and the gathering of Israel. The summaries of the chapters do not highlight the relationship to the reader’s comments appropriately, but the individual scriptures within the books do.
“And thou shalt say, I will go up to the land of unwalled villages; I will go to them that are at rest, that dwell safely, all of them dwelling without walls, and having neither bars or gates,”
“To take a spoil, and to take a prey; to turn thine hand upon the desolate places that are now inhabited, and upon the people that are gathered out of the nations, which have gotten cattle and goods, that dwell in the midst of the land.”
“And thou shalt come from thy place out of the north parts, thou, and many people with thee, all of them riding upon horses, a great company, and a mighty army:”
“And I will call for a sword against him throughout all my mountains saith the Lord God: every man’s sword shall be against his brother.”
“Thus I will magnify myself, and sanctify myself, and I will be known in the eyes of many nations, and they shall know that I am the Lord.”
“Behold, it is come, and it is done, saith the Lord God; this is the day whereof I have spoken.”
“And they that dwell in the cities of Israel shall go forth, and shall set on fire and burn the weapons, both the shields and the bucklers, the bows and arrows, and the handstaves, and the spears, and they shall burn them seven years.”
I understand the reference and it is often said that history repeats itself. My generation largely ignores and refuses to learn history, so what better way to teach the dumb and ignorant history, than to have them experience that very history? For the record, I do believe in God but I often doubt the messages of man received by God. I believe the bible has valuable teachings and messages, but the regular publishing and theories of man have muddied many of the stories, and the value I take from them includes that understanding.
What if the messages in the bible are repeating in present day? What if history is repeating itself? What if history is repeating itself but people are looking at the wrong history? There are more questions than answers when looking into this man’s logic, and so it is really hard to take the potential warning seriously. I felt a response to his opinion was needed.
After reading the scriptures, and thinking until my head hurt, I realized I was more annoyed than enlightened. What a waste of time this research was, so I replied to the reader’s comment in kind:
“John Sammock – I read the scriptures you referenced. While I can see the correlation, I do not believe this is an answer to what we have to look forward to in the future. You see… our vision is only 20/20 when we look backwards. God made us blind in the present and future by design, and as a result we never really know what is happening until after it happens.”
Simple enough response, right? I didn’t put him or anyone else down. I didn’t cry foul over anyone’s religious choices or liberties. I didn’t lace my comment with profanity or disrespect. I was simply pointing out the facts as I saw them just as he had done. Well, like I said in my response to him – by design we don’t know what is happening until after it happens. I feel like my life will never be the same.
“Do you still have the bible you received?” Dr. Jefferies asked.
“I do. They gave it back to me when they closed the investigation and the lovely judge sent me here. I don’t know what I am going to do with it. It seems wrong to throw away a bible.” Anna offered with concern in her voice.
“Would you be willing to bring it when we have your next session? I would appreciate reviewing the markings that were left for you.”
“Why? So you can play detective and decide I am nuts too? I really do not need another person thinking that. To tell me that.” she said with frustration.
“Anna. I am not your enemy. I am not looking to be your enemy. I am asking for all of this information to determine the best way to help you move forward. If you could bring it by this week, or to your next session, that would be wonderful. I plan to review all that you have told me, and your case file again, so that our appointments are as productive as possible.”
“Okay. I will drop it off tomorrow. Will we meet at the same time next week?”
“Yes. Lets plan a two-hour session. I am sure I will have more questions, and we will need the extra time.”
“Alright. Two long hours it is. Are we done for today?”
“Yes. You are free to go and thank you in advance for dropping the bible off tomorrow.”
With that she exited the office quickly, and Susan had to make her understand the goal was to help her, and not help the police and detectives prove she was nuts. Luckily this was a productive appointment, and we should only move forward from here.