Category: Funny

BLUE COLLAR CURSE

So came Monday-
The start of the work week.
The day in which I accept my weekly defeat.
Tuesday was next-
And how did I feel?
The loss of the confidence the suit did steal.
Wednesday then tried..
To lessen the week’s dump…
With a cheery message I am over the hump.
Thursday then offered
To bring promise I began to lack-
For the weekend was closer than a few days back.
Friday ends the work week-
And it is time to enjoy my labor-
But my paycheck didn’t stretch for me to enjoy that  favor.
Saturday is to relax
And enjoy an honest break
All in the name of sanity’s sake.
God’s day is Sunday
With a goal to enjoy family and friends

But instead I cry because Monday is next again.

I am not crazy – Because I have wondered if I am.

Crazy people do not know they are crazy. Isn’t that what we are lead to believe? The world is crazy to a crazy person. The crazy people never believe they are never crazy. So I guess that means I am sane, because I have asked myself if I am crazy more than once. So far I haven’t gotten a YES back.

Do you ever wonder if you are crazy? You know – during the moments when your teenagers treat you as though you are stupid, or your boss acts like they are the reason the work got done, or when your significant other calls you crazy for calling them out on their stuff. Haven’t you ever wondered if you are crazy before you realized they are the ones who are nuts? Or does that just confirm you are crazy? Because after all you are thinking “they are crazy, not me.”

What about thinking you are crazy for daring to do something new and different and failing miserably many times in the process. Are you crazy then? Or does that make you a genius because eventually you get it right?

I suppose now I know why psychiatrists make so much money. After all – if you ask enough questions – you can make anyone look like they are crazy. Except for me! I am sane.

Saved by the shave

Dating has never been a hobby of mine, but finding forever did not come quickly for me. I was 35 when I met him. I never thought when I started dating Derrick that laziness would save our relationship, but two years later I have learned that my shaving habits sealed the deal.

No, I am not talking about shaving everything off or super personal areas for shaving. I shave my armpits so I am not talking about anything weird. I am talking about my legs! I do not have NAIR legs, and I am not one to wax or spend extra time. Luckily I have always been gifted at getting it done fast and right. Until Derrick that is.
After three weeks of dating we decided to get more personal with each other. After talking, dinner and some wine we started to fool around. Clothes came off, petting began, and we both thought this would be our first time. Of course this was until my pants came off, and when I went to adjust myself for him to sit next to me I saw them. I couldn’t believe it! But there they were. That’s right! On the back of my leg, and to the side of my knee, there were five hairs looking like they had been growing for a year. They had to be at least an inch long! How have I missed that spot so many times? I remember the conversation like it was yesterday….
“What’s wrong, Shannon? Is this not what you want?” Derrick asked in a very concerned tone.
“I thought I was, but now I think things may be moving a bit fast. I really like you and I don’t want to risk messing things up my moving too fast. I am so sorry.” I offered as there was no way in hell I could give him the honest explanation of my change of heart.
“No problem. We can slow down. I don’t mind waiting for you,”
As it turns out this is what made Derrick think I was the girl for him. Five hairs and a few lies made him think I was different because I didn’t want to give myself up so easy. Nothing could be further from the truth, but it doesn’t matter, because we have been married for a year today!
When he told me that this night was the night he knew I would be the one he would marry I felt a twinge of guilt. I wanted to tell him the truth, but why ruin this man’s fantasy? Besides, how do you tell a man than you missed a spot shaving, and it must have been more than once, so you didn’t sleep with him so that the jungle behind your knee wouldn’t scare him? 
The company for Nair should be happy as well. That night with Derrick made me change my shaving habits, and now those harder to reach and see places, have some extra help from my new best friend.
Thank you leg hair! Thank you for helping me snag my man!

Blonde

I once woke up
On the wrong side of the bed-
Ran into a wall
Obviously hit my head.
Ever since that day
I have been considered a blonde
Ditsy and a little crazy
Accused of my brain being gone.
So I ask you
When you go to bed at night
Which side do you wake up on?
The left or the right?
It is never the same for me
So it doesn’t matter which I choose.
Either way I will be wrong
Either way I lose.
So, is it that I am a blonde?
Is that what is wrong with my head?
No! It couldn’t be!

It’s just the left OR the right side of the bed.

JusTee