Image by JusTee

A bag of needs
Without the give
Makes for a miserable
Life to live

May you find the one
As cold as you
Just as deserved
Giving just as you do.


Image created by JusTee and Pixlr

I am so tired of feeling hated.
I am tired of my emotions being traded.

I’m so tired of bending and learning while others remain deaf and dumb.
I am tired of loving only for every inch of you to be numb.

I am tired of a life with all of this waste.
I am tired of everything being my problem and my mistake.

I am tired, sad and broken…
I am tired of your avoidance while sullen…

So- be angry and hate me now…
In the end it is your loss; someway and somehow.


Image by JusTee

You were so fast
In your chameleon ways
To toss us aside
Without a say…
So angry
In words and action-
To benefit at all, no-
But aid distraction…
You were so sure
In a fight for right-
That you gave up
Goal and sight.
Now like a balloon
You are free-
May you find the view
And the ability to see.

The Long Road: Diverticulitis


My husband was diagnosed with a complicated case of diverticulitis in the latter part of May. It’s a condition I wouldn’t wish on anyone, and a condition I had never heard of. We are now over a month, and two surgeries into this condition.

For the record, the first day started with my husband having pain below his belly button, and feeling maybe constipated or full of gas. Then the pain moved and to the right. I rushed him to the ER thinking maybe he had appendicitis. I was surprised when they told me about diverticulitis, and that they were going to admit my husband into the hospital. They sent him home after several days on oral antibiotics. If only that had worked.

The antibiotics didn’t work and back to the ER we went with more pain, and then came surgery number one. The first surgery was 17 days ago, and it was to remove an infection that had packed into the lower part of his small intestine that oral antibiotics were not touching. Next, was a PICC line inserted in his upper arm for us to administer IV antibiotics ourselves for 2 weeks from home.

Despite the efforts, his pain never went away, and so the final surgery today was unavoidable. Today was a surgery to remove 3 inches of his colon/large intestine that was infected with the diverticulitis. A 3-hour surgery lasted closer to 5 hours, and I have never been so scared and stressed in my life.

I felt as though God was saying “I’ll teach you patience yet” while every nerve in my body rebelled in protest. And yet I lost the battle. For patience was not a choice in this endeavor, but a must. I had no control of the movement or what was to happen. So, like a defeated dog, I waited in the corner, for time to finally end.

At last it did. Out of surgery my husband finally came, and in recovery he was calling my name. The nurses brought me back to the recovery room early because he kept asking for me. Thank God, of course! Thank you for another day together. May his body finally heal to where he can go back to living again.

It turns out many people have the condition, and never know it because it stays diverticulosis and is more common in elderly adults. However, when one of these little balloon pockets become infected, and then bursts, the havoc on the body gets complicated and then it’s diverticulitis. I have watched my husband suffer for more than a month, and it has been a horrible experience. We have both been so helpless because this isn’t something that any past illness can prepare you for. The process to get here was long even with us getting lucky.

Listen to your body everyone, and pray you get to the right doctor who performs the right test to diagnose you correctly the first time. I am grateful we were lucky, and found the right doctor at the right time.

Although a long road is still ahead- it is finally a road that should have an end.

Fable of Adam and Eve

Original image taken by JusTee

If you throw caution to the wind
Its only because you believe in no consequences,
Or History
Nor debt-
Oh, come the riddles-
Lest you forget
For there are ALWAYS consequences
And they come to us yet.

Yes, there is history-
New are taught to be deceived-
Shielded by “evidence”
Of no Adam or Eve….

So why then?
Believe in anything else?
Yes it must be safe
In ALL to rebel…

Come now children
As you grow old-
Tell us your stories…
As life unfolds…

And when brought to your knees-
Or broken in heart-
Left now only
To go back where you start…

Yes, that day
When life chooses to deceive…
Just like that fable
Of Adam and Eve.


Enemy- Original image by JusTee

Darwin said
Only the strong will survive-
But if I am not strong,
Nor Weak-
What am I?
But the middleman…
Still crushing the weak-
Only to be extinguished?
Survivals problem-
Is the Who-
Who could be helped,
Or stop the inevitable.
Yes Prosperity-
On the backs of the weak,
To build a new strength,
Pushing an unknown,
In the ignorance of history-
Erasing what you could have known…
So the enemy survives.

Original image by JusTee

The bits of the day lay waste to disaster-
may the devils not hear us now.

We tip the toe, and grimace at the leaf, as even autumn sparks a challenge.

A change in direction for hoped protection, or least delay the inevitable…

For no knowledge or effort can change a path, thus mysteries strengthen…

For only a dragon hunting it’s fly-
offers life’s explanation.

My vision
For 2020
Is blurred
And broken.

So little there
To take each thing
These broken wings.

I’m reminded
To not follow
Even this year
And likewise.

For if I look
I can find
Still there
Father’s watchful Eye.

For tonight
Dancing upon the grave
Teach the life
And sacrifice I gave.
The living may not know
As We lay dying
The clarity now
Blocked by their crying.
Oh the rage
As seeds are laid
Never mind the need
Or price I paid.
And You will know
Too little too late
Just like us
This is your fate.

So I come around
When you stop to look-
Sometimes in nature
Or note in a book.
I provide balance
When you fall off course-
I’m not without discipline…
Or nugget of remorse.
Restoring harmony
Is not without waves-
But its to modify the outcome
Or how you behave…
And on the other side
You’ll believe once more-
What you appreciate
And what to adore…
And though it will be hard
You must never quit-
Simply look up…
For the promise you’ll benefit!

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