2022 to Change

It’s 2022, and this year I have decided to try journaling my thoughts and ideas, starting with the first day of the year. I thought about this idea weeks or months into previous years, so here goes everything! Day one was not a huge success- I simply created a simple cover for my binder- but at least I started on day one. Today is day two and I am writing, so this is a marked improvement. Today’s inspiration is management: management of our lives, within our companies, within our government, and even the Denver Broncos. Only two days into 2022, and I can see management is clearly an issue.

For me, 2021 was a giant mess, and my life was no different. My husband got super sick, two of my four kids left my life, my parents had their struggles, and the company I work for was an equal disaster. While watching the Denver Broncos play today, I echoed the same thoughts as I had all season. The management of the Broncos is a mess, and the players, along with the fans, are the victims of the mismanagement. I also thought the same idea applied to my company… management and executives would rather blame the little people, instead of management, and therefore the lowest level of the company is the only place changes are made. My parenting skills are equally in question… I was so blinded by what I wanted to see, that I was unable to view the issues to stop them. Yes, 2021 was a year of suffering, and it was largely due to mismanagement.

I am not a complete doom and gloom kind of person- although conspiracy theorists have started to pique my interests. I am grateful that I worked for a company that allowed us to work from home when Covid hit. Working from home allowed me to help my husband recover, as well grow in knowledge despite the distance. Unfortunately, the executives are blind, and so this is simply a temporary stop in my career. It’s a shame because the company could be one of the best places to work, but the “suits” care about “suits” and sales. They fail to see where all the success comes from to appreciate anything more. If only I could say I have managed my affairs any better.

As I sit on the ladder of judgment, I wish I could say I have managed my life better, but I’ve been equally blind. I have believed the stories, and the reality my children sold to me. I managed to learn to care about my daughter’s boyfriend because he was her choice, and I ignored my inner voice. In July 2021, my oldest daughter, her boyfriend, and my youngest son gave the entire family a giant F-You. My husband and I were shocked, my youngest daughter unsurprised, and my oldest son navigated the family waters as best he could. I still don’t know the whole story to explain what happened. I only know they chose to leave us and stay away. The best part… I work at the same company as my daughter’s boyfriend- so I know the lies they are selling, and they are no better than the stories they told to me. Humans are equally blind, aren’t we? So, what should we change? What can I change?

I have no sure ideas about what changes are needed beyond my home. Personally… I need a new job, I need my husband’s health to improve, and I must except he will be permanently disabled. Getting our government to approve his disability is a whole separate obstacle. Kind of frustrating given all the people they’ve handed out money to who have not asked for it. Disability is an argument for another day, though. Instead, the argument, and the agreement, remains the same… Change is needed.

So, here is the start of my 2022 journey. I will make more time to write and see the changes needed. I will find steps forward instead of standing still. I will hope the management of other things will see the need to make changes in themselves and higher. I will hope the little people in life find a way to be seen. I will also hope my children see their own blindness – even if they stay away from me, their dad, and other family. Mourning your children, even as they live, is not a prison I would wish on anyone, and yet I live it. May the year 2022 be different for those needing different… Myself included.

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