Tagged: Humor

What??


What?

Something I said?

Is it my teeth?

Position of my head?

Life is hard

Being this damn good

Waiting on you

To be understood.

So I’ll wait patiently 

And let you take a pic

Then put my lip back

Where my teeth let it stick.

Gracefully 


I’ve lost my mind

Or so I have been told

Tends to come

With getting old.

But I feel alright

Until my tongue gets out

Then my eyes shift

And I start to doubt.

Oh I keep things straight

Except the hairs on my head

But they lay down

Once I hit the bed.

I’m not crazy

But I’m not sane

I’m just goofy 

With a walking cane.

Boob Humor

Boobs they sag
When before they created stares…
And as you get older-
They show how little you care.
No more standing at attention-
And lucky to fit in your cup-
They start to lose interest..
And suddenly the jig isn’t up.
If they were a part of having children-
That just speeds up the chase!
And suddenly their youth is gone…
All in such a haste.
Too droopy to be called tits
As they hang closer to the ground-
A lot of work and clothing
Used to make them seem proud.
No pills to erect the twins-
Naked they are simply a mess…
But a gold mine for a Secret
Or Victoria’s business dress.

EVERYTHING

everything-2

Reason without understanding
Life is maddening
When fighting what is to be.

Perhaps the wreckage
Will allow the dissection
For all who finally see.

Fighting logic with reason
Is a fool’s hope
And only available weapon.

After energy spent
And the war is over
Left is just a lesson.

Live and repeat
Until it ends
Is all people know to do.

And then left is the poster
That gives the answer-
To What is wrong with you?

When I Die

fu-network

I have thoughts about when I die…
There is something I want to see
You might be thinking Heaven-
But there is more curiosity inside of me.
Of course I want to go to Heaven!
When my time to leave earth comes…
But I also want to see the network-
That knows how to make life so much fun.
What am I talking about?
Surely you must know!!
There is no way it only happens to me
I can’t be the only puppet in this show.
I am talking about the network
That sends messages subliminally to our minds…
The ones that make us do things…
In just the nick of time.
You know when you sit bored for hours…
So you get up to do something new…
And the messages go out to people to change plans-
Frustrating the hell out of you!
Or when you were down two flights of stairs
Where you left your phone on the desk…
And just when you get upstairs…
It rings to give your running skills a check.
What about leaving work early?
Because all the work has been done….
But suddenly somebody needs something right now!
Stopping you from early fun.
I want to see the network!
It has to be run by a sarcastic group…
For they disturb you at just the right time…
Laughing while throwing your plans for a loop!

Summer Reality

Do you know the old saying?

Can’t see the forest for the trees?

In this case it’s because it has been a while

Since I have shaved above the knees.
The summer brings things to life-

And requires less clothing too-

But I do not mind the forest-

So dear public… This service is for you.
So here is to longer showers –

And realizing how small the water heater is.

Please remember to wear sunglasses –

Because the white glow takes time to dim.

I Found My Label!

My secret is out of the box! I am less special today. Or is that I am less complicated? Or am I finally complicated enough to have a label? So many directions to go with this enlightenment!

We live in a world about labels, and then once you have a label… counseling and medications are developed to help you overcome your individual quirks. I have been immune to labels. After all my labels are not ones that people talk about. Mother, heterosexual, blonde and white female are not labels people care to discuss or over-complicate. I am sure if I would have put myself through enough counseling I would have had labels, but I do not have the money or desire to get them. Instead I have gone my whole life without an appropriate label. I watch commercials and Dr. Phil that are all about labels and problems, and have been fortunate enough for the subjects to never be about me as an individual person, and I was okay with that.

I wrote a personal narrative months back titled I AM THE BLONDE WHO DOESN’T GET IT and I was given one label in a response to the story by a fellow writer and she said that I was an introvert. She wasn’t wrong to say that, and I can see how the label fits, but I like to be different, and that label only fits half the time. Well… Facebook posted an article about a label that actually fit me. It is a new one and I suppose that is the great thing about medicine… there is a label for everything eventually.

It turns out I am an Ambivert. The title, or label, is so new that MS Word doesn’t recognize it, and Myers-Briggs is unable to provide it as a personality type. Maybe The Big Bang Theory will make a show around the topic sometime? I can see it working for some of the characters and story lines.

Anyway, what is an Ambivert? Well, it is a person too special to be called an introvert or extrovert 100% of the time. That is an Ambivert in a nutshell, but there are several signs that would tell a person that they fit this label.

Epoch Times posted an article by Karen Cheng on January 19, 2016 and the information I have on this label comes strictly from this article. It provided me with a nice Ah-Hah moment, so here it goes. Here are the signs you are an Ambivert:
1. You are comfortable socializing and meeting new people but you are also fine with alone time. I thought this tendency applied to everybody, but I guess exceptions are out there??
2. You know when to be outgoing and when to be more reserved. Again – this seems like common sense and would apply to most people, but what do I know??
3. You relate to the characteristics of both an introvert and extrovert. Well, this one certainly fits me. I was just too stubborn to be just one or the other.
4. Sometimes you are involved deeply in a moment and other times you sit back and observe the situation or people involved in a moment. I don’t know how you could always be immersed in something, but again what do I know??
5. Small talk doesn’t scare you but it can seem disingenuous. Me personally – I am okay with small talk but not a bunch of unneeded details. Am I weird?
6. Some people call you quiet and reserved and others call you sociable. I know when I was in college I was very sociable, but the group was small enough to feel comfortable being that way. I tend to shy away in larger crowds and blend into the background instead.
7. Too much time with others is draining, but too much time alone can leave you feeling gloomy and unproductive. This sign is me 100%!The dinging can stop now.

So, there you have it folks! A new label for the odd people out there who couldn’t be just an introvert or extrovert! I didn’t need a label, and if I wanted to be super stubborn I could argue with this one a little bit too. I do think this label fits my personality better than any other, but now I am less special because the world has developed a personality type to describe weirdos like me. I was okay with Weird but the label was too loose I suppose.